The NICEST Wisdom Teeth Story Ever

I respected my son’s request by NOT making a video of him after getting his wisdom teeth removed. However, he didn’t ask me to not talk about it, so I have a loophole. (Love you Bub!)

Drew has a fear of sharp things. He’s not unique in that. Many people do. When I describe it as a fear, however, you really have no insight about the absolute terror he has about anything that may stab him and pierce his skin. I’m not sure if it’s so much the actual “poking” or the sight of blood. Perhaps it’s both? For example, the last time that he needed shots at the doctor’s office, it took 6 adults to hold him down and a 7th to administer the shots. Since that incident, the child has grown by a foot and gained 125 pounds. I have no clue how anyone will ever be able to give him a shot (or take blood) for the rest of his life!

When it was time to have his wisdom teeth removed, we shared all of this information with the dentist during the consultation. Drew was assured that they would simply prescribe him some valium to help him relax for the procedure. He took one pill at bedtime the night before surgery, and a second one an hour before surgery. I honestly had my doubts that he would be able to go through with it, simply because he was going to need an IV.

Now, most funny incidents happen AFTER people have had their teeth removed, but as we got into the car to head to the appointment, this is when the real fun began!

Drew: “Mmmmm…  Mmmmmm…” (Yes, this is moaning. You also have to imagine all of his answers being given very slowly and with slurred speech.)

Mom: “Are you sleepy?”

Drew: “Noooo.” (Still moaning.)

Mom: “Are you higher than a kite?”

Drew: “Noooo.” (Still moaning and now rubbing his head back and forth against the head rest.) “This seat feels soooooo nice.”

Okay, I have to admit that I’m now laughing. We haven’t made it 500 feet out of the driveway yet! We travel less than 2 more minutes when I notice…

Drew: (Starts rubbing both of his legs.)

Mom: “Are your legs numb or tingly?”

Drew: “Noooo. These pants feel soooooo nice.”

Dude! This is seriously soooooo funny! We are still on our road when I glance at him again and start laughing.

Drew: (Rubbing his head and face on the seatbelt like a cat rubs up against things.)

Mom: “Hey Bub, does that seatbelt feel nice?!?!”

Drew: “Yesssssss.”

[Sidenotes: Drew didn’t have any socks at my house, so he’s actually in the car barefooted and we are stopping at Jamey’s house to grab a pair on the way to the dentist office. Also, Drew is going to his dad’s house after surgery to recover.]

Another minute passes, and he notices a cord on his lap.

Drew: “Why do I have this thing!?!?”

Mom: “It’s your phone charger.”

Drew: “Oh.”

Mom: “Did you bring your phone?”

Drew: “Yes.”

Mom: “Where is it?”

Drew: “My pocket.”

Mom: “Give it to me so we can go ahead and drop it off at Dad’s.”

I’m now entertained by Drew trying to maneuver his own hands and arms to fish his phone out of his pocket. This is a two minute procedure with a lot of moaning before he produces the phone. I’m trying to stifle my laughter.

I’m now at his Dad’s house. I quickly drop the phone and charger on the kitchen table, and grab a pair of socks out of the dresser and deliver them to Drew. I’m sincerely skeptical that he will have the coordination to put his socks and shoes on!

Mom: “Think you can manage to get these on?”

Drew: “Yes. Mmmmmm. Mmmmmm.” (More moaning as he struggles to put a sock on.) “These socks feel soooooo nice.”

Okay, I’m impressed, he managed to get two socks and two shoes on. The “nice” phrase is really getting funny! We are getting near the dentist office now.

Drew: “Is my mouth going to hurt?”

Mom: “Yes.”

Drew: (Now appears to be completely sober like someone flipped a switch.) “I don’t think I can do this.”

Wow! I’m blown away by how out of it he was just 30 seconds ago, to now this version of him!

We go inside and get checked in. He wants me to tell them that he’s really feeling nervous. He asks me four different times if I told them. I assured him that I did, and reminded him that he was standing beside me when I told them.

As we are waiting, he begins fondling the plant beside him. I’m pretty sure it feels “soooooo nice!” I point out to him what he’s doing and tell him to stop or he will kill the plant. A few seconds later, he’s groping the poor plant again. I give up.

They take us back for the requisite “Have you eaten anything today?” questions and to give me the prescriptions. As the nurse is trying to go over things, he keeps interrupting with the following line:

Drew: “Mom, did you tell them!?!”

After a handful of more “Yesses” from me to him, they send me back to the waiting room and take him back.

I am totally surprised when they appear 40 minutes later to tell me that he did great! I am beyond proud!!

The ride home wasn’t nearly as funny. He did keep telling me that he was thirsty, and asked “How did I get here?”

Drew: “Where are my lips?”

Mom: “The same place they’ve always been.”

Drew: “Oh.”

We arrived at Jamey’s and I told him to sit still until I got around the car to help him. As he got out of the car and leaned into me for support, we both about went down. I’m laughing hysterically and using all my strength trying to get him to the door. We bounced off the hallway walls like a pinball all the way to his bed!

Drew is still complaining about being thirsty, so Jamey brought him a glass of water. Needless to say, his entire face was still numb, so as he took an energetic drink of his water, it just poured out of his mouth like a waterfall! He didn’t know that it was streaming out until it landed on his arm…and the bed…and the floor! Before we could address his confusion, he tried again! The results were the same!

I think I’ve had all the fun and niceness I can handle for today! Tag Dad…you’re IT!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Innocent Incident

NOTE: My daughter told me that I couldn’t tell anyone this story, therefore, this IS NOT a story about Jill… but of a “different” new college student named Lilly.

Lilly had been away at college for one week. Mom called to check in with her, and this is the weird phone conversation that followed.

Lilly: Did you put a pregnancy test in my silverware drawer?

Mom: WHAT?!?!

Lilly: Did you put a pregnancy test in my silverware drawer?!

Mom: NO!!! What are you talking about?!?!

Lilly: I opened the drawer to get a fork, and there was a pregnancy test in there!

Mom: Is it Christina’s?!?! (roommate)

Lilly: No. I asked her. I told her that you probably put it there as a joke.

Mom: That is no joke!!!!!!

Lilly: Then it was probably Gram.

Mom: I SERIOUSLY doubt that Gram would have done that. It’s not very funny!

Lilly: Well, it’s in there.

Mom: (to Shawn) Did you put a pregnancy test in Lilly’s silverware drawer?!

Shawn: WHAT?!?!

Mom: (to Shawn) Lilly found a pregnancy test in her silverware drawer! (to Lilly) Someone has obviously been in your room! Was it in the box?

Lilly: No. Just in the plastic.

Mom: Well, unless you are taking pregnancy tests all the time, you usually need the directions to figure out how to use them! It’s weird that there are none!

Lilly: I don’t know.

The conversation then turns to homework, a new calculator, and how much money she has in the bank. My wheels are turning the entire time, when finally…

Mom: Is the pregnancy test blue?

Lilly: Yep.

Mom: It’s the tester for your water filter pitcher.

Lilly: Oh… That explains it. You can’t tell anyone this story.

Moral to the story: I love that my kid, I mean THIS KID IN THE STORY, is so innocent that she thought there was a pregnancy test in her silverware drawer. When you look at the pictures you might see how the mistake was made.

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Note to Self: Be More Specific

When you wake up on a Saturday morning, and you see that instead of his usual choice of Pop Tarts, Pringles, spray cheese on Ritz, or Oreos for breakfast, your son has made himself a box of Kraft Dinner, you feel a sense of pride. I mean, the kid opted to COOK instead of graze. Parenting Win!!

So as I left the kitchen to go take a shower, I told him to put the leftover mac and cheese into a bowl with a lid on it and put it in the fridge when he was done.

Later in the day, when I open the fridge…

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This, my friends, is why you can NEVER be too specific.

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Making Memories

Imagine… you have just spent a relaxing week cruising to the Bahamas where you were able to bury your toes in the soft white sand and cool off in the crystal clear blue water of this tropical paradise. You are stress-free and smiling as you remember the amazing memories you have just made.

Then it happens.

A random text pops up on your phone.

TEXT MESSAGE

Thanks Bub.

<SIGH>

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You Cannot Make This Up v2

You cannot make stuff like this up.

Last night was frigid. The actual temperature was in the single digits and the wind chill was negative. Therefore, all of the pets (Buckeye, Rainbow, Snowball, and Midnight) joined all of the humans in the warmth of the house. We even had an extra pet. Jill’s dog (who lives with Jill’s dad), Finlee, the Australian shepherd, came home with her for a “sleepover.”

20160926_140012Sleepover is a word that I use lightly. When Finlee is there, sleep is hit or miss, with miss being the usual winner. She whines because she wants to go out. She barks because she wants to come back in. She scratches at closed bedroom doors as she wants to be able to check to make sure that everyone is safe. She barks at bedroom doors that she can’t open. She tears up things (Christmas presents specifically right now), and digs through the garbage can. She also torments Buckeye, who is usually an only-dog, all night long making her growl.

So last night, add three outside cats to the mix and you can just image the “fun.”

Picture, with me if you will, humans sleeping peacefully in beds. The furry friends weren’t bugging each other, or the humans, so we will pretend that they are peaceful too. At some point, Jill gets up to use the bathroom. This allows Finlee to escape from Jill’s bedroom where she had been shut up. Finlee then starts barking. You know the kind of barking that I mean. The kind that wakes you from a dead sleep where you are certain that a bad guy has broken into your house to do harm to all living creatures!

I stumble out of bed, glancing to notice that it’s 2:13 am, then continue my search for the frenzied dog. She is in the kitchen, staring and barking out the back door. There is obviously something out there in the cold. And her mission appears to be to make the “thing” aware that it is trespassing. By this time, Jill has joined me in the kitchen to yell at Finlee too. There are also two cats present, trying to figure out how to turn off the dog.

Jill and I stand looking out the back door, trying to see what evil lurked in the darkness. There is still a little snow on the grass, so there is a large dark shape that we can see. Keep in mind that we have deer traipsing through the yard daily, so I honestly expected it to be a deer, or a herd of deer, or even the neighbor’s dog. Nah. Not the right shape and size for any of those. I flip on the porch light, but the “thing” is lurking just past the concrete at the opposite end of the swimming pool, too far away for the light to help us.

What is it?!? At this point I will describe what we saw with my newest version of the classic holiday ditty, The 12 Days of Christmas. Hum along loudly with me as we start with “FIVE GOLDEN RINGS.” Are you ready?

FIVE GOLDEN RINGS

Four wide-awake humans

Three mad cats

Two barking dogs

And a horse standing in the backyard!

What?!? Why is there a horse in my backyard? Before Shawn could make it to the kitchen to see what the ruckus was, the horse galloped to the top of the hill and out of sight. I’m glad that Jill was there to see it to so that I know I’m not dreaming.

Like I said, you can’t make stuff like this up!

 

 

 

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Keeping Us “Safe”!

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So, I go out to backwash my pool filter and to check the salt level, and I see that Drew has taken it upon himself to “secure” things that don’t really need to be secured. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if he had bothered to tell me the combination before going to spend the night at Wyatt’s…

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“I Was Bored.”

Shout out to Bri Jenkins for talking about Life At My House today…it allowed me to find a story to share instead of a mess to clean up!

Today was my last day of school, so, thankfully, I was only working a half day or it’s hard to tell what I would have come home to!

I pull into my driveway. The garage door is up. Drew is home alone. (Side note: He already called me once today to ask where the WD40 was. That should have been enough to make me nervous!)

I came in the door and politely called him to come and visit with me (…ok, screamed his name so that he knew I wasn’t pleased).

Stacia: “What in the world is that mess in the garage?”

Drew: “I cleaned out your shop vac.”

Stacia: “Why?!?”

Drew: “I was bored.”

<sigh>

I suppose I should be thankful that he took it upon himself to clean??? Perhaps we should all admire his handiwork?

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Yes folks, he’s a keeper.

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